Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
