Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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