I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
