I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
