I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
