Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
