What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
