I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
