please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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