i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
