just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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