So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
