if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
