Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
