so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm sobbing to NWA
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
