Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
