She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
