Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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