Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
