I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
