I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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