the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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