Your mouth is God's brothel.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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