I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
