she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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