I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
