Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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