His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
