even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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