She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
