So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
we should paint friendship bongs
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