I can tuck mytits in my pants
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
