I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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