I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
