I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
This is my life. Enjoy the view
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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