don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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