what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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