I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
