Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
