I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
