Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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