she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
