I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
