I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
