I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
