my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Still dying that you shit outside
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
