Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
