It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
They took my balls.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
