come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
