When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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